Dear Greengal,
I have had the most intense feelings about a man who I met through a football website (I would prefer not to mention the site name for it may blow my cover). We have never met, so we have not yet consummated our union. He has asked for my hand in marriage but we have not yet set a date. I love him madly and I know he feels the same way. He writes the most beautiful poetry to me. He’s very romantic. If you ever read his work, you would understand why I think he’s the dreamiest. Derek Jeter and Terry Bradway have NOTHING on this guy!
He sounds perfect, right? That’s the problem. There’s a floozy on the message board who is trying to undermine me. She throws herself at him every
chance she gets. She has bigger boobies than me and I feel very threatened by her because I am very prudish and some say that I’m overly sensitive. Anyway, this floozy sends over 200 PMs per day. She cannot be trusted. He is only human so I am concerned that he will crack soon. I was thinking of pulling a Tonya Harding but there is enough wear and tear on her knees.
What can I do to make him see that I am the only woman in the world for him?
Signed,
Really Repressed Reporter Reeling over Rochester Rogue
Dear really repressed:
Ah…Greengal feels your pain. You must have confidence in your man. If he cracks, is he worth it? You say he writes you poetry. Me thinks you should google it and find out if he is writing it himself or just lifting it from a Robert Frost wannabe on the net…Yes occasionally men stray but if he loves you as you say he does… he will be true.
This floozy sounds as if she craves attention… she sounds like the kind who goes to bars and hands out cards to men hoping they will call her and bring some sunshine to her life. Are you sure her boobies are not courtesy of Dr. Areola Nipples? Usually it is women who don’t have them naturally, who tend to flaunt them.. They need to make sure that they get their $$ worth.
In the end a man will go for a woman who is honest and real… a floozy who needs knee pads only have to look forward to being popular at the retirement home when she takes out her dentures..
My suggestion.. buy her an extra pair of knee pads and drop her off at spring training.